in the beginning of 2017 I found myself completely empty. I had spent the previous 2 years busting my ass on a business I had devoted my entire time to and financially invested in. I was well aware that people wanted to see me fail. There were hate threads, private chats and groups dedicated to defaming my character. Why, I will never understand. When I started my business venture to start an online western market place for new and used clothing I never dreamed of the nightmare it would turn into. What was once a vision to provide jobs in the western community and build the industry up became a roller coaster of heartache. For an industry to claim it was all for “building women up”, I had felt the complete opposite. I felt burned to the core. What hurt even worse was to be called a failure and finally realizing it was time to call it quits on my dream.
Something that felt so right for the first time in my life turned out to be my biggest failure and that was a hard pill to swallow. Talk about having a ‘throw your sucker in the dirt’ moment. “Where do I go from here?”
I am here to tell you, IT IS OKAY TO FAIL. Failing at something means you actually went for it. Have your moment, then put your big girl panties on and keep on trucking sister!
In January I took a hard look at my life and realized how miserable I had been trying to please thousands of women I had never even met over the internet and not even realizing how badly I had neglected my own life. I had emotionally abandoned my husband. I lost an extremely unhealthy amount of weight, lost my sparkle and most importantly.. I lost the joy in the tiny victories I had once appreciated. I decided not to throw the towel in completely and kept the blog but took a step back from the fb group, The bleacher babe’s closet, and the business side of it. I don’t think people fully understand the FULL demands it takes to run a group of 30,000 women that I had babied for 2 years by myself. I had lost myself in taking care of people who didn’t give a flip if I had a life or not. But to receive emails where people were able to pay their mortgage with the site was that little glimmer of hope that kept me from completely cutting ties. I like helping people. I may not get to help everyone but if I can make a difference in those that cross my path then that makes this whole journey worth while.
I took all of that negativity and focused on things I was passionate about and suddenly it all fell right into place. I found pieces of myself and transformed into a newer version of me like I do every year. Just because you hit a few road blocks, doesn’t mean that its your final destination. Learn to give yourself time to heal while taking the scenic route!
I was offered to produce my very own Fashion Show During RFDTV’s The American Rodeo with Taylor Gilkey that was a huge success in the Fort Worth Stockyards. I found a little slice of paradise in Round Top, Tx and formed great friendships with the amazing women behind Junk Gypsy. I traveled a lot this year and was able to collaborate with Cowboys and Indians Magazine which had been an ultimate dream of mine as a little girl. I ended my year in Vegas where my vision of a Western Ball came to life at Silverton Casino thanks to Cowboys & Indians Magazine.
Sometimes we have to let go and let God redirect us, and during these times we shed some of the unnecessary weight we’ve been carrying. During this transition you discover your 3 P’s. Purpose| People |Power.
Your Purpose is what you were meant to do all along. You may have not discovered it just yet, but you will find bits and pieces of yourself along the way.
Your People are divided into the fake and the real. When you run out of gas, The fake people leave because the ride is over but your real people will still be standing by your side offering to help push.
Your Power is your strength to carry on after the hard times and transition the negative into positive to do amazing things! God makes NO Mistakes, there is always a blessing in every lesson.
- Stop being a people pleaser. my girl Dita Von Tease said it best, ” You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” Make yourself happy because when you are truly happy to the core you can do great things. We only get one life, make it count.
- Enjoy every small and big victory that comes my way.
- Live in the moment, less social media and more living. Enjoying my vacations without having to capture every little detail. Make more memories without the pictures to “prove” it.
- Continuing my fitness journey and taking it to the next level. Fitness has been my outlet when it comes to suffering from anxiety. I have formed some of the best friendships, habits and booty since I started. I have kept a steady healthy weight and it has provided me with “me time” away from social media.
- Charity work. Whether it’s big or small anything at all makes a difference.
- Eat well and travel often.
- Focus more on God and my marriage.
Wishing you all an amazing 2018!